Have You Forgotten?

Moms all over the world forget what it is they want to do with their lives.

Amidst all the love and cuddles inherent with having children, it's easy to think you could never ever possibly want more.

But a year, 5 years, 10 years later, sure enough, you realize that there is something missing.

Problem is, you may be so out of touch with your Self (and society in general) that you don't know which goals to pursue. Many moms think back to what they used to love to do, and try to recreate the same feelings by doing those old pastimes.

Take me for instance. I loved creating art with oil pastels and colored pencils. I was good at it, too. I'd lose myself in my project and let the rest of my cares fall away for a while. When I realized that I needed something more in my life (at about age 23 the first time), I'd fall back to my PrismaColors and canvas.

Unfortunately, I didn't enjoy it the same anymore - it didn't do the things it used to do for me! I'd put away my PrismaColors and brood. If I couldn't enjoy art, then there must be something wrong with me!

So, I would go on these soul searching crusades to discover what was wrong. Believe me, I (and you too) have many past events to point the finger at!

By the time I was 30, I was exhausted from re-evaluating my childhood, the rapes, and difficult first years of marriage. There was absolutely nothing left to say about what was "wrong" with me! It became apparent that what was "wrong" was not the cause of my current unhappiness and Depression.

The Real Problem

The problem was that the whole time I was being only "mommy" the woman in me was changing. I didn't take the time to pay attention to changes in my Self because I was enthralled with the changes in my children, and stymied in memories of my past. I'd been only "mommy" for so long that I didn't know how to be my Self, too.

Over the past few years, I've rediscovered my Self. Come to find out, I still love creating art, but I do it in a different medium and with different purpose. I also love to write, use the tarot, and guide other women to their "happy places." My pre-mommy self never would have considered doing these things!

All those years I spent trying to find myself, I was actually limiting myself. I think it's only natural that we look to the last good things we felt for inspiration. If those things give only guilt or heartache, it's important to start exploring new activities - even similar activities.

Finding new activities is as easy as paying attention to the moments that give you the greatest pleasure right now. If you love playing with your kids outside, would you also like cultivating a garden? It's worth a try. If you find that you really hate gardening, don't make yourself continue gardening! Be a renaissance woman and move on to learn a little about something else.

Exploration isn't about sticking around, it's about finding new things. Experiment, and dive deeper into activities that only hold heart and meaning to you. You will rediscover the woman in you; believe me, she has a lot to show you!