Schedules Making You Crazy?

I used to feel crazy all of the time.  I would schedule myself down to the minute.  Much to my frustration, my rigid schedules broke apart day in and day out! Most of the time, motherhood will not conform to even a seemingly perfect schedule.

If I spent time with my children when I was scheduled to be working, I would beat myself up for not sticking to "The Schedule."  Plus, time with my children was scheduled for later in the day, which meant that I couldn’t possibly make up the work I’d missed!

When I spent the scheduled time with my boys, I resented it and thought about work.  The next day when I worked, I felt guilty for resenting the time spent with my children.  I felt further and further behind, and less and less of a good mother.  Yucky stuff.

Time as Bubbles

One thing that works for me is to think of time as ‘bubbles’ instead of a line, and then I choose my time bubbles carefully.  For example, some of my bubbles are:

Time with my boys

Time to learn something new

Time to focus on my desires

Time to make my house a home

Those are just four of them.  It doesn’t matter how many bubbles I have, the key is recognizing that they merge into one another at will.  (Not at MY will, mind you.)

Merging vs. Multi-tasking

Allowing your bubbles to merge is different from multi-tasking.  When you multi-task, you are consciously and purposefully doing more than one thing at once.  However, when my bubbles merge, I recognize that I am doing more than one thing at once.  It’s a subtle, but important, distinction.  It's the difference between controlling my effort and being aware of my effort.

For example, now when I learn something new while spending time with my boys, I am grateful for the opportunity to do two things that are important to me at once.  I’ve learned to appreciate time instead of fight it.

Why say no?

A lot of the time, I agreed to do things because I couldn’t think of a reason to say ‘no.’ If you really, truly know what is important to you, then you will find the courage and the desire to say ‘no’ to tasks that do not fit into what you want for yourself.

This may sound like a selfish way of doing things.  But when you think about it, you will realize that by only doing things that are important to you, the important things/relationships in your life flourish because you’re not stretching yourself too thin with unimportant tasks.  You create the life you want instead of having life forced onto you.

“What is important to me?

Make a list of what relationships/tasks/etc. that are important to you.  Do not include things that other people tell you are important.  If volunteering for your child's school on a regular basis is not important to you, then do not put it on your list!  Trust me, if you remain true to your desires while making this list, then you will find many ways to benefit your children in and out of school without trying to live up to someone else's idea of what you "should" be doing as a mother.

Now look at your list.  Merge similar listed priorities into broader themes (your bubbles).  For instance, my bubble called "time to learn something new" includes my priorities of learning to be a great business woman, studying natural health care, and deciphering the mysterious ways of my husband.

As you study your list, you'll see that some of your priorities fit into a couple of different bubbles.  This is perfectly natural.  Remember, bubbles merge, so it makes sense that your priorities will merge, too.  Keep your bubble labels general so they logically include many types of activities.

Wait a Minute...That's Not in My Bubbles!

When you catch yourself doing something that did NOT make it into a bubble, take a minute to analyze why you’re doing it.  Why did you agree to do the task?  Analyze your motivation for saying ‘yes’ to decipher what thoughts are limiting you.

If you said yes out of guilt, think of ways to get the job done without feeling guilty in the future.  If you said ‘yes’ because you feel a need to control the outcome, think about why you feel you must control it.  Be creative in your brainstorming, and don’t stop with the first good idea – your solution will come after the first good idea.

Over time, you will be able to filter a request through your time bubbles automatically and before you agree or decline to do it.  In the beginning, you may find that you’ve already committed to doing something before you’ve thought to filter it.  That’s okay.  Just make sure you do filter the task so you can recognize a similar situation in the future.  (And depending on the task and the time frame, you may be able to politely decline even after accepting!)

Absolutely, Positively, Must-Do Tasks

Some things, like housework, simply have to be done.  For me, ‘time to make my house a home’ includes housework (and fun stuff like lighting candles, decorating the fridge with the boys’ artwork, and splurging on Downy® instead of buying the store brand).  Shift your attitude by starting with a motivating statement.

For example, my initial motivating statement about housework was simply ‘housework benefits my family.’  I found a smidgen of motivation in the idea that keeping things relatively neat and clean makes life easier for everyone.  It was barely enough to hold on to as I cooked and cleaned, but I believed it to be true.

After a while, I learned something - when my husband feels that I care about his comfort, he’s more than willing to work with me.  John has taken to making breakfast on Saturday and Sunday mornings.  When I asked him why, he said that he wanted to let me know that he appreciated the ways I took care of him.  Amazing, isn’t it?  And you better believe that the 10-15 minutes I spend tidying up before he gets home will continue - I no longer think of it as time wasted.

So, my initial motivating statement (housework benefits my family) is the foundation for my attitude shift (housework frees me to relax with my family).  I never would have realized or believed it if I hadn’t fully believed in my initial motivating statement, weak as it was.  Your motivating statements, resulting beliefs and attitude shifts will be different, of course.  The fun part is discovering your true motivation.

So,...What do I do?

Here are the steps to create your own time bubbles:

Make a list of your priorities.  List only those relationships/activities that will make you a happier woman.

Organize your priorities into bubbles.

Accept the fact that your bubbles will constantly merge, and that you cannot control when they merge.  Choose to recognize the merging of bubbles, and you will find peace even when things aren’t going as you had planned.

Accept only the relationships/activities that fit into your bubbles effortlessly so you create the life you want to live.

Shift your attitude about required but necessary tasks by starting with a true-to-you motivating statement, and trust that future experience will embellish your statement into a belief you will cherish.

Only one thing to add:  Stress is not caused by what you do or don’t do.  Stress is caused by not enjoying your moments.

Craft a life filled with meaningful moments, and you will not feel crazed.  When every moment coincides with what you want for your Self, then you will be productive, fulfilled, and at peace.