Bad Ideas

Many of the ideas and beliefs ingrained into our minds are actually very bad ones. Here are five of the worst bad ideas you can allow to control your thinking:

Everything in my inner life has to be going perfectly before I can do what I want to do.

Short answer: "Life is a process." With so many aspects of life being both out of our control and messy (i.e. politics, traffic, etc.), the temptation to have what you can control completely subdued can be strong, especially if you have any tendencies toward perfectionism.

You wouldn't go out with your makeup only partially applied—how could you go forth into this mad churning world without having all your internal ducks in a row? The difference is that putting on makeup for the day has a definite goal… when it’s done, it’s pretty much done.

Life is more dynamic; by its very nature, there is always pulling and pushing going on. The pitfall of wanting to have everything just right before you proceed is that life doesn’t play fair. Weeds pulled from your garden grow right back. Dishes absolutely refuse to stay washed (and, I am convinced, reproduce like rabbits out of pure spite).

Our minds, spirits and bodies—therefore our lives—are like that. They need gentle maintenance as long as they're around, as opposed to a one-time fix.

Feeling depressed?  Volunteer to get out of yourself!

I put this down because during the years I was putting everything I had into Battling Depression, I got this phrase A LOT. It never brought me out of myself… just wore me down and left me feeling not only drained but perplexed at myself for not Feeling Better.

Please don’t get me wrong—this can indeed be helpful, especially if you’re feeling down about not "having enough". The rub is priorities… are you taking active care of your own needs first, then lavishing the surplus on those in need?

Next time you’re at a charity event, see if you can spot an habitual volunteer type. (Looking for T-shirts that say "STAFF" on them is cheating!) They’re often washed-out, resentful-looking creatures (at least, around here they are—it could be just an activist thing). They tend to not take care of themselves and hate that the rest of the world isn’t on board to give back all that they’re putting out.

Letting yourself become spiritually desiccated doesn’t help or save anyone, and you can run the risk of becoming a charity case yourself!

I love my family and friends; they come before me.

This is kind of a repeat of the above, only the situation is more involved. We want to do well for those we care about, and as women we certainly get the message that they are our first priority. Have kids, raise them well, remember friends’ birthdays, be a broad shoulder for those having difficulties, etc. etc.

This may not be the most tactful analogy, considering gas prices lately… but have you ever tried to get across town on an empty tank? You probably got lucky, but it was anxious going. If you ever have found yourself on the side of the road or come too close for comfort, you’ll see what I mean.

In order to fill others’ needs, you’ve got to have your own needs fairly well satisfied one way or another. Contrary to what we’ve been taught (subtly or otherwise), this is far less a selfish concept than it may seem. Spiritual and emotional nourishment can come in many forms, depending on personal preference—hobbies, keeping up on emails, going to the movies, working out… the possibilities can be endless. And definitely necessary.

Being creative looks like it would be a great way to re-charge, but I’m not an "artsy" type.

Human beings are innately creative, and in so many ways! It’s just a matter of how you do it. Creativity can range from painting, singing, etc. to making the neighborhood’s best brownies (even out of a box) or rewiring the lawnmower. If you’ve ever taken a collection of things-- be they ideas, ingredients, and/or elements-- and combined them in some way that gave you a finished product at the end of it, you’ve been creative.

Even those who wouldn’t think of themselves as "creative types" do just that, every day. Observe yourself as you live your life this next week. See how many things come into being because you were there to cause it in some way. You may just become aware of interests and ideas you didn’t realize you had—and that’s creative, too!

Okay, I enjoy doing [_____]. But I can’t get into it until I have the tools.

One of the great things about creativity is that most of the time, you can improvise or substitute. Besides, the mere act of creating—on as regular a basis as possible, like exercise—is the most important goal for the moment.

Say you’ve decided you’d really enjoy making stained glass panels. They’re beautiful, colorful, can sell for a lot of money, and have a wide general appeal. However, you need a lot of space, specialized equipment, spendy supplies, and probably more time than you can reasonably spare.

If these are obstacles, what can you do? If this is absolutely The Hobby You Must Pursue, you can look for ways to fit stained glassmaking into your life. Clear out a spare corner of the house, hunt down used equipment to buy or borrow, see whether there’s an enthusiasts’ group near you or on the Internet.

Alternately, you can determine which qualities about stained glassmaking are attractive to you, and explore hobbies more within your reach. For example, if working with various colors excites you, perhaps painting with acrylics would help "feed the need". If it’s playing with molten lead, look into electronics classes at a community center or college.

It’s less important to find the perfect fit than it is to regularly feel the satisfaction and excitement of making something new - and watching your skills grow.

This article was written by Shari, an invaluable member of Bluelady's Wellness Group.